I moved to Gainesville on February 3 after living in my mountain oasis on Lookout Mountain for 3 1/2 months (see picture for a glimpse of my backyard)!  This experience has reminded me that we often have 20/20 hindsight.  I realize now the importance of that time of solitude and pressing in to God.
  I have also realized how crucial it is to wait on God and not try to force my own near-sighted will into His plans for my plans.
 My passion can quickly turn to impatience when things don’t go my way. 
 

During this period of waiting on Him and finding joy and peace in the moment, I have been reminded of how much I can focus on my circumstance.
  I wanted to do something, go somewhere, have a purpose.

 
 And then the truth that needs to govern my life became a reality:
my purpose is to love God and be loved by Him
!
 It’s that simple, or not so simple.
 

So often
I confuse relationship with service.
  God desires us to glory in His presence; to find everything we need in that alone.
 It is not about what we do
for Him, it is about who we are
in Him.
 For a long time, I found His presence in ministry and my relationship with Him grew (at a slow pace) from there.
 But remove ministry to others and the only thing left is ministry to self.
  I find this perspective twisted.
  God first ministers to us, and only from that can we minister to others.
 Neglect the relationship, and ministry suffers.
  We can force it on our own strength and be relatively successful for a short period of time.
 But here I find the hard distinction between selfless service and personal health.
 

We are called to give of ourselves for the sake of others, right?!
  But I’ve learned (slowly, and am still learning the application) that we cannot give of ourselves if we are empty inside.
 Our Father desires all of us to be walking in the
fullness of Him.
 We can only see the world through His eyes if we focus our gaze on Him.
 And we can have a horizontal gaze if we have a thriving intimacy with God.
  It’s through that intimacy, God ministers to us (sometimes using others in the body of Christ).
  He reveals the “closed doors” behind which we find the ugliness of our true, sinful selves.
 He gives us the strength to open those doors and through His grace, we can have victory over those hidden areas.
 As He works in our lives, he equips us and teaches us how to minister His love and point others toward Him.
 Although not an easy process, I have learned that it is a vital one.
 

I have known these truths for a while, and I have learned how they can work against the good.
 Because I know that service comes as a result of intimate relationship with God, I tried to take shortcuts and minister without first allowing God to minister to me.
 It’s so much easier that way!
  If I was doing a lot of things for God, everyone would know that I had a great relationship with God, right?!
 Unfortunately, this deception works all too often.
  While God calls us to serve as
wounded healers, being transparent and humble, I have too often seen people serve on empty.
 Giving of themselves, and not of God.
  Here is the distinction:
we have nothing to give but God!
 And we cannot give of His riches unless we are regularly refueling ourselves and allowing Him to pour into our lives!
 

My prayer is that I would walk in this calling to
true ministry.
  It’s not only
okay to allow God time (sometimes more time than we are comfortable with) to focus on our inner selves, it is
necessary.
  It is not selfish, as we are sometimes inclined to believe.
  It is the source of all life and ministry.
  I cannot lead where I have not been.
  May God lead inward, onward and upward as we push forward in the life He as called us to!